Tuesday

Great noon meeting today on fear,
after a 10 AM phone call to my sponsor on fear.
Page 84 of the Big Book tells me what to do with fear.

1. Ask God to remove it at once.
2. Talk to another about it.
3. Make amends if necessary.
4. Resolutely turn my thoughts to some one else.

I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.TALK.ABOUT.IT.

I'm superstitious. If I say that horrible thing I fear out loud, it might come true. Right????????

Wrong.

Intellectually, I KNOW saying what I'm afriad of doesn't make it happen. In my heart, I don't want to even consider the 'Worst' possible thing as being a possibility. It can't happen. It can't happen. Not again. I've been here before. Circumstances have changed SO much from the last time it happened. I'm different. I'm better. I've grown. I can compete and defend myself when necessary. 8 years of recovery in AA have made me a completely different person. Last time the pain was unbearable. Some days it still hurts. It can't happen again.

I have an assignment from my sponsor. Write about it. Every day, write something about the feelings, not the little, nit-pick actions, but the feelings. Talk about the feelings inside me, not the events of the world outside me. Talk about the feelings in meetings, with my BFF.... we have an appointment to work through it next Wednesday, if I don't blow up between now and then....

oh wait! : ) Feelings can't kill me! : ) ha ha! There is hope! Some days it just feels like they can..... ha ha ha

i AAm so grAAteful to be
- alive
- sober
- healthy
- smiling
- full of good food
- out of the summer heat
- not a victim today